Fine Corinthian Leather
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Today we have an excerpt from the final billing statement of the car I leased in the states. All donations can be sent to my account at the Bank of GimmeGimme.
Dear DONALD TAYLOR:
The enclosed report is a list of the excess wear items and charges on the vehicle you leased from 02.01.2003 thru 08.01.2006. The mileage and wear items were identified by visual inspection of the vehicle. The excess wear charges listed represent the estimated or actual cost of repairing or replacing each item.
Front Bumper Cover (Gouged)
Wear due to shitty New York/Massachusetts Roads
54.42
Rear Bumper Cover (Gouged)
Wear due to asshole that never left a note after pretty much raping my car
155.80
Front Seat Cushion (Drivers)
Wear due to the fact my crotch is that hot, and caused the leather to melt
163.80
Total Excessive Wear Charges
374.02
We are in no way implying insult to your crotch. We know that the damage your loins could do is immeasurable due to its immensity. We felt that the 163.80 charges balanced out the considerable worth that your groin added to the value of the entire vehicle. In addition we appreciate that you never let the full force of your manhood loosed upon the vehicle. That situation would of cause the Residual Value of the vehicle to become unattainable to all humanity, with the few rare exceptions.
If you have any question, please contact us at the tool free number shown at the top of this letter.
Once again, thank you for choosing XXXX automotive. And may you and your nether region continue to lay to waste every seat that you encounter.
Sincerely.
Customer Service
Labels: automative, repair, spoof
posted by Don Taylor @ 12:05 PM,
