As She's Walking Out the Door
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
When confronted with the question, “When I say the word German, what do you associate with it?” Most will say organized, BMW, beer, lederhosen, engineering phenoms, blondes, and perhaps something about the 1930s-1940s, but rarely will you hear the word happy. I am here to tell you that the Germans can be happy, joyous, and yes without the use of libations. And they are never happier then when they bid you farewell. A parting, is in some cases, the best part of the conversation and usually leaves you feeling happier than a monkey with a full bags of Reese’s Peanut Butter cups. Is it Reese’s or Rhesus? Bad monkey! Headlines read Cannibal Monkey Plan to Conquer the Planet. Damned drrrty apes!
Textbooks and the greatest teacher of all time, television, informs us the proper way to say goodbye is Auf Wiedersehen. True, but no one uses it over here. The way to say good-bye is tschüs pronounced “chews” and when you say it you have to say it as cheerfully as possible raising your voice an octave or so.
Picture if you will a 240lb German man, sporting a traditional Bavarian beard, approximately in his mid-forties. He is wearing an ill-fitting suit, but a perfectly matching pink and purple tie, sweating in the 80-degree heat with no AC to be found. For his lunch break, he has been standing in a queue at the local telecommunications outfit waiting to discuss the finer points of his outrageously expensive cell phone bill. He begins to argue with the customer service rep with a voice that is smooth and low, reminiscent of James Earl Jones. They go on for ten minutes, the usual calm German demeanor fading into ire and annoyance as voices get voluble causing other patrons to turn to see what the hell is going on. Just as it seems that the seventh seal is about to pop and all Hell is going to break loose, both combatants nod, shake hands, say tschüs raising their voices to the level of Tinkie-Winkie and go their own way with smiles on their reddened faces.
Now imagine the same scenario in the States, replace the large German guy with a lifelong Bronx boy arguing with a MBTA attendant and have them end their argument with a genuine, falsetto “kiss, kiss, bye-bye”. Yeah, I can’t picture that either.
So for now fuck off you bastards. Get back to work and do something other than waste time looking for porn. Tschüs.
Labels: farewell, German, language
posted by Don Taylor @ 11:52 AM,
